I’m really pissed off right now. It would take very little to make me
happy, and I didn’t even get that. I think the only thing that kept me
sane after the movie was Henry. I think I know what I’m pissed off
about, but I’m not so sure. It seems like such a stupid reason to me.
I was debating to myself about whether or not I should right this. But
**** it (censored for you kids and Sam). I’m too pissed off to decide
whether this is good or not.
I think the only person I’ve ever told this story to was Sam. No one
else. Not Jeff. Not Eric. Not Yvonne. I’ve always felt like
sharing this, but I never did. Like Yvonne would talk about her
messed up childhood, and I always wanted to share but didn’t. I
might as well do it here.
So this was back in high school and it involved my two best friends at
the time. So the three of us started hanging out during 7th grade.
We were all in jazz band and our friendship just grew from there.
Those were the good days. Played with computers, played video games,
played some tennis, things like that. We fast forward to 10th grade.
To this day I still don’t know what I did to make them do this. The
three of us were still in band and we’re on this trip to San Jose
for a competition. On one of the free days, we went to visit Great
America (an amusement park for those of you who don’t know). So the
3 of us plus another one of my friends were walking around, going on
rides and stuff. So around noon time or so, I told them I was going
to look at a food place or a billboard or something. I don’t remember
the details. But I go look at it for a few seconds, and by the time
I turn around, the three of them are gone. Ditched me. So I’m a
little pissed now, but I figure they’d come back. I think I waited
a half hour, sitting around. I went to go eat by myself and waited for
them for probably another half hour. They didn’t show up. So I walked
around the park by myself. I joined up with another group of friends
later on, but I left them a little while later. I just didn’t feel
like being around people. That was the most hurt and most emotional
I’ve ever felt in my life. The pain of having your so-called “best
friends” abandon you was almost unbearable.
I think what was just as worse was going back to the bus after spending
most of the day by myself. The three of them just acted like nothing
happened. No sorries, no apologies. They just went on talking and
acting normally. Of course I went on and tried to act like nothing
happen. I wasn’t confrontational back then and I’m still not. The
thing is, I probably would have forgiven them if they had apologized
to me, but they never did.
And then the next day on our way back home, we stopped by the
pre-In-N-Out Kettleman City. Of course I was still hanging around
them, and we said we’d go to AM/PM to eat. I start walking ahead
and I turn around, and I see two of them running off in the opposite
direction. One actually stayed around this time with me. But the
damage was done already. And of course again, the two of them don’t
Over the next half year or so, our friendship slowly detoriated. I
certainly didn’t do anything to help heal the friendship. And then
that fateful day in Decemeber came when I backed up into his car.
Twice. That marked the official day of the end of our friendship.
(I honestly believe I didn’t try to hit him. At least consciously.
I was parked in the parking lot and they came up behind me and blocked
me when I was trying to leave. So I thought I’d scare him by backing
up. Well, I only had my license for two weeks and I guess I didn’t
know my car to well. So as I backed up, I hit him. Didn’t mean to
do that. So I pulled forward. Well, the driver gets out and jumps
on top of my car to see the damage. Of course I have to try to scare
him again, so I backed up again and I hit his car again. I seriously
didn’t mean to try to hit his car. Well, maybe subconsciously I did.
I don’t know. Oh well)
So that ended four years of friendship. Of course, the person I hit
was more popular, so eventually more people turned against me,
especially the yearbook people. High school was a miserable time
after that. I had other friends too, but nothing ever close. They
were more like friends I hang around with at school, cause I had no
one else to hang around with.
To this day, I still have no idea what I did to make them want to do
this to me. Not just once, but twice. Was I really such an ass to
them and didn’t know about it? Did I rub off on them the wrong way?
Did they just grow tired of me? Am I just an idiot?
Looking back at now, I’m actually really glad all of it happened.
God had a plan for me at that time even when I didn’t know it. My
life would be so much more different now if I was still friends with
them. I probably would have never started playing basketball at
Holy Name which means I probably never would have been close friends
with Jeff. And I probably would have never hung around Eric. And
I probably would have went to UCSD which means I would have never
met Yvonne or any of the other wonderful people at Berkeley. I don’t
know where I’d be if I didn’t get ditched at Great America. Those
three, Jeff, Eric and Yvonne, were the most influential in me
coming to and developing my relationship with Christ. Jeff was the
one who brought me back to church in LA. Eric was the one in Berkeley
that got me going to church. And then having Yvonne next door, she was
a great witness of living a Christ-like life (except for those times
where she was writing up angry signs) (Sorry Eric. I had too much bad
influence on you. And spirtually, Yvonne’s on a whole different level).
She was the first person to talk to me about quiet times. I mean I
didn’t start doing quiet times til much later, but I still remember that
conversation with her.
Talk about a lack of focus in this post. Ha! No wonder I sucked at
God is so amazing. He can turn my “hard times” into blessings. The
worst point in my life was the key turning point in my life, and it’s
brought me to where I am now.
Shoot. I ain’t even mad anymore. I think I stopped being mad at
the hour mark of this four hour posting. Just thinking about God and
His love gives me joy. He has shown me grace and mercy and love. He
has given me all this and more, yet I deserve none of it.
Anyways, I began talking about the movies tonight. Yeah. So I felt
abandoned tonight at the movies tonight which was why I was suppose
to write all this stuff. But it sort of came out all wrong. Oh well.
It doesn’t change the fact that I was pissed tonight. X-men 2 was
good, even though I had no one to talk to.
Good night, y’all. Must wake up early tomorrow for worship. Praise God!